The Nuts and Bolts of Relationships The interesting thing about nuts and bolts is that they require friction in order to function. The more friction between the threads of the nut and bolt, the better they’re able to hold whatever is between them together. Consider how couples function like nuts and bolts. We seek common interests (likes or dislikes) to bring us together yet as we grow closer a friction develops and soon we become bonded by that conflict. While we think of the nut and bolt as holding things together. We also have to appreciate that the only reason for a nut and bolt to come together is when there is something between them. How often is this true for children being the reason parents remain together. If left unattended, nuts and bolts rust up and seize, keeping both and everything between them stuck. A harsh reality for children in such relationships. Sometimes couples don’t even realise how attached to conflict they are. It might be the only way that they know how to relate to each other, or worse still, it might be the type of relating they enjoy most. The nut and bolt model for relationships is common but terrible. If you find yourself in such a relationship, you might be thinking, “Well, how do we stop being nuts and bolts?” The answer is simple but tough. The reason nuts and bolts pair up, they’re the only things that fit each other. So don’t blame your partner for being a bolt. Rather appreciate that you’re a nut. (And vice versa) To change the way you relate to each other requires a desire to be different, and a surrender to being different. Not all relationships survive this transformation, but not all relationships are meant to. Usually, this painstaking transformation happens through the heat of adversity and life’s hard knocks pounding at and reshaping us. A simpler alternative though, is through surrendering to a Higher Power. By surrendering ourselves to the Hands of the Creator, and through Him immersing us in His divine love we lose all that we were, our former selves; our previous shape, form and function in favour of what He, the Creator favours for us in response to our prayers. For those of us who submit, emerges a new shape, form and function, ultimately a new reality for ourselves, our partners and everything between us. To find out more about common challenges couples face and how to overcome them, join us for our newest relationship course, Breaking the Walls Between Us, commencing 5 October 2017 . Then again, we could always remain nuts, but our partners will bolt.

About Ridhwaan Harnaker

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